5 failed ivf cycles, what to do next??

Discussion in 'General Infertility Support' started by alisha707, Dec 26, 2016.

  1. alisha707

    alisha707 New Member

    Hello girls! I’m new here. This forum and your stories inspire me to move forward. My dh and I have been ttc for a very long time. Unfortunately all our tries give no result. We’ve gone through lots of treatments. We had 5 failed cycles of ivf. The last one we had last year. After last failure I was broken. I understand that all blame is on me. Condition of my health doesn’t allow us to conceive naturally. Even ivf didn’t help!

    Last couple of months were so stressful. I blame myself and all these feelings tear me up from inside. I can talk to no one about my emotions and thoughts. I’m of that kind who keeps everything inside. That’s why I decided to come here and talk with you, girls. I think no one will understand me better then you. I’m 38 yo and I don’t want to waste more time.

    Recently my dh and I went for a walk. We wanted to spend some time together, talk and try to forget about all troubles. We live with his parents and it’s actually hard to do that at home. His mother only makes everything worse. She openly blames me that she still doesn’t have grandchildren. And she’s right! But it would be much easier to survive my failure if she was supportive. Sorry I wandered off the point. So we went on ‘a date’. We went to some family cafe. There were families with kids, who were playing around and laughing. And I looked at my husband… He looked at those kids with such sadness and sorrow. I know how much he wants to have children. I also dream to become a mother.

    Every night I imagine how it would be if everything was ok with me and we had normal family! But I really have no idea how to fix my problem… I talked with my doctor last week. He recommended to make ivf with donor egg. He told that usual ivf unlikely to give results. I think that I should use this opportunity! But where should I start? What should I look for? Girls, please help!
  2. 1mommyTZ

    1mommyTZ New Member

    Oh honey, I’m so sorry about your ivf failures. I know how hard it is to live through this. I had a miscarriage 7 years ago. I still can’t hold back my tears when I remember that horrible period of my life. After my loss I couldn’t get back to life for a long time. I’m glad I have my husband. He gave me support I needed the most. Together we can do everything! We wanted to have kids for a really long time. We’ve gone through a lot, but believe me, if you want something badly, you’ll get it! And I know how it is to have such mother-in-law. Same situation here! We had very bad relationship. She always tried to make it worse! She had never been tired to repeat that I don’t deserve her son. I’m glad all that left in the past.

    You made the right thing you came here! I’m sure you’ll find support and answers you need. De ivf is a very good option. I think you should start to look for clinic where this procedure can be done. I advice you to contact clinics directly and ask them questions which interest you. I advice you not to contact agencies to find egg donor. There are many scammers among them. It’s better to find clinic which will control all process. Where are you from? Maybe it will be easier for us to advice you some good places to address. Also pay attention to reviews, positive and negative. Don’t forget to consider rates of successful treatments. Look through official websites of clinics. There you can find prices, services, which they propose and also direct contacts. I hope this info will help you. I wish you all the best! If you have some questions or anything else I’m always ready to help!

    xx
    Tereza
  3. alisha707

    alisha707 New Member

    Hello Tereza! Thank you so much for response. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's so nice we have our second halves, who give us courage and strength to live! You know perfectly that mothers-in-law can be very annoying. We argued again a couple of days ago. After our "talk" I wanted to quit everything. But your story gives me hope that my life and relations with family will also change. I'll consider all advices you gave me! So you had ivf with donor egg, am I right? Could you please share more details about your experience? I'm from US, but here this procedure costs a lot. That's why we are looking for cheaper options. Those failed ivf attempts pulled so much money. Now we are working hard to save some money for new procedure. It's our last chance and we are ready to do everything to use it! We hope that there is a variant for us which we could afford.
  4. 1mommyTZ

    1mommyTZ New Member

    You're welcome, honey. Don't let anyone to destroy your goals! Some people simply don't understand our problem. It's our life and our decisions. We are the only one, who can make our future better. Try not to pay too much attention to what your mother-in-law says. You should concentrate on the procedure. Everything else doesn't matter! Yes, honey, I had de ivf in 2014. I've got pregnant from first attempt. We were over the moon! Our girls were born in May 2015. Grannies are so happy and help us to babysit our girls. Finally joy and peace came to our family. I completely understand you. We were also looking for clinic with lower prices. We used Ukrainian clinic and paid €6 900. We had 2 attempts in general. Our doctor knows her job very well! We have no complains. Thanks to her professionalism I have my precious daughters.
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2017
  5. alisha707

    alisha707 New Member

    I appreciate your support! The only thing which matters is my desire to have children.I'm glad to find someone who I can talk with. It's hard to keep everything inside. Nobody will understand better then somebody with same problem. I’m so happy for you and your successful de ivf! Price sounds good. What is name of this clinic? Was it hard to communicate? We don’t know Ukrainian at all. Of course it's not a big deal! We can hire translator. The only thing is he should have some medical education. I'm not sure any interpreter will fit our situation. Did you stay at the hotel? How did you get to the clinic? By subway? Was the clinic easy to find for the foreigner? I'm very sorry for my questioning) I want to be prepared for all complications if it's possible. I'm so scared to go abroad, so far away from home. I don't know how this process can be done without knowing language. Also there are so many fake agencies. I want to stay positive, but all these thought never left my mind… Was there something you didn't like? Maybe there were some inconveniences? I don't want to find falls, please don't take me wrong! I just want to know all details to be prepared if something goes wrong. I understand that you can't be ready for everything and foresee each event. But still it's nice when you know what to expect. Also I have so many doubts! Will I love this child? Even if I give him/her birth, will it feel like my own? How do you feel about your child after the procedure? Do you have regrets? Thank you in advance!
  6. 1mommyTZ

    1mommyTZ New Member

    Honey please ask me whatever you need. Who else can help with searching of clinic if someone who underwent such procedure. I'm sure you'll love your baby! Now it seems strange to you I understand. But as soon as you will know you're pregnant, you'll feel love and care toward your child) Believe me I know what I'm talking about! As soon as the doctor made an embryo transfer, the only thing I was thinking about was pregnancy to be successful and my babies to be born healthy.

    We asked our doctor to find egg donor, who will have same features as I have. I consider my girls as my own. I’m their mother. I carried them and gave them birth. I don’t even think about the procedure or donor. The clinic we used is called BioTexCom. I've browsed each forum, each thread, each comment about egg donation. There were both good and bad reviews. But generally the clinic seemed to me professional and popular among infertile couples. Also their prices are much lower than in US or Greece or any other country. Don't think we are greedy. But this procedure is only the beginning. After childbirth costs grow along with child. Now we spent so much money for our girls. This clinic proposes same services for lower price.

    When we came to the clinic for the first time, we saw many people there. I should say we didn't expect this at all! I never thought Ukraine is that popular! And since that moment I had a feeling that everything will be fine. Not for nothing people go there! You don't have to hire a translator! Don't think up additional troubles) The clinic has already taken care about everything! So your stay in Ukraine will be absolutely comfortable. We were met in the airport by taxi driver, who was carrying us across Kiev by his car. He was transporting us to the clinic and our apartment, which was also provided by the clinic. We had a manager and she translated everything for us. She spoke language fluently, so there were no misunderstandings. They even provided us with food supply! The only thing which we cared about was de ivf procedure. So we have no claims at all.
  7. alisha707

    alisha707 New Member

    Everything sounds good. It's nice the clinic found translator and housing for you. I didn't know clinics provide such services. Did you hire taxi by yourself or it's also the clinic's service? I really had no idea how to find all this by myself. It's seems impossible to organize everything right without knowing language. I understand these services are not for free. The clinic counted each detail so foreign patients will be in absolute comfort in another country. How much did this services cost? And how much did you pay for the procedure? Did you pay all sum at once? I'm a little bit afraid to give all money right away. You never know what will happen tomorrow. Was there some additional fees? I've read some clinics start to pull more money after signing a contract. And what can we do in such situation? We pay, because process has started already. And when you think about termination of contract, you remember how hard it was to find clinic, how much efforts were made. So the only way is to pay and wait till it will be over.

    I'm glad to know they have modern equipment! I had some concerns about it. Usually when you watch movies, where they show Russia or Ukraine, you see old buildings and stuff from ancient times. Also I'm interested how much attempts of ivf did you have? And which one was successful? Sorry if it's personal, you may not answer) How do they choose egg donors? How can you be sure they are healthy? Did you choose donor by yourself? I watch some videos about unhealthy egg donors. Some clinics don't make tests so baby may be born with genetic diseases. This scared me to death! I don't want my child suffer physically and mentally from bullying and reproaches.
  8. 1mommyTZ

    1mommyTZ New Member

    Honey, you will have to care about nothing but de ivf. All those services were already included in our package. We didn't pay some extra fees. The clinic has 3 packages in general. We chose 'double package' for €6 900. Also it has package for €9 900, where you can have 5 attempts. In case of this package the clinic pays back if all attempts fail. If you choose package for €4 900, you'll have one attempt of de ivf. Speaking about package we chose, we had 2 attempts.

    I've got pregnant from first attempt. It's ok for me to talk about this, so don't worry. We didn't pay all sum at once. I think it's too risky to do so, even if it would be the only one clinic in the world! The payment was divided into 2 parts. We paid €3 450 after we signed contract during our first visit. On the day of the first embryo transfer we paid second half. We were never asked to pay some extra money!

    We didn't choose donor. We were told that contact of clients with donor is prohibited by law. So we provided desired phenotype. We sent information about the desirable characteristics of the donor to the clinic. We indicated height, weight, hair color, eyes color, nose, face and lips shape. Generally saying, all features we needed. Then the clinic found three donors corresponding to our phenotype and sent us info about them. And then we chose the one, who suited the most. Speaking about egg donors and their health. All requirements to donors were specified in the package we've chosen. First requirement is age of donor. All their donors are 18 – 25 years old. Second requirement is perfect physical and mental health. And third requirement is absence of genetic diseases in the donor and her family. So we were absolutely sure in health of our donor.
  9. alisha707

    alisha707 New Member

    Thank you for all this info. I'm surprised that they repay if procedure fails. Their donors are so young! I'm relieved to hear they check not only donors' health, but also their relatives as well. I like the opportunity to give the clinic characteristics, so the child will look like me. I think it will help me not to think about de in future. And no one will tell me that my child looks differently from me. I was scared that that it will be obvious that baby is not mine. And everyone would start judging or feel pity for me. The last is the worst. I just want to live normal life. I want to have my family. I want my husband to be happy. And the most important I want to hear my child calls me 'mommy'. That's all I need! I think it's not that much…

    I want to ask you just a couple more things. I hope I don't bother you too much. How much time did you visit the clinic? And what was with transportation and housing? I mean the clinic provides all these services during first visit. But what with other times? What about medical tests and ultrasounds? Did you have to do them each time in biotexcom? I want to count whole sum we'll need. Tickets are not cheap too. I need to clarify one issue which concerns me the most. Is it safe to go to Ukraine at this moment? We all know about their war. I’ve seen so many horrible videos in the internet. Innocent people die there. Whole cities turn into ruins… There are so many homeless and poor people, who became so because of this war. Maybe it’s better to set aside our visit? I really don’t know what to do. I’ve read some comments. Somebody says it’s safe, but another say it’s so dangerous there and tell some terrifying stories. I don’t know who should I listen to. So I put all my hope on you! Thank you so much for your patience!
  10. 1mommyTZ

    1mommyTZ New Member

    You're welcome, honey! I'm sure you'll make it. I think you have the right mood and thoughts! With all these you will gain success, I'm sure. I had same things on my mind. I know how it feels… All that waiting is just driving you crazy. I was looking at other women, who have already become mothers. I was so jealous. I thought maybe I've done something bad? Maybe I just don't deserve to get what I want? Yes, it's hard, because it's not our fault we can't conceive naturally. But still we should be grateful for such chance to have this procedure and become mothers!

    We had 2 visits in frameworks of our procedure. The clinic provided us with accommodation during all our visits. By the way, we were provided with food supply too. Our doctor assigned the treatment plan for us. Also she gave us all needed instructions. We didn't go to biotexcom for ultrasounds and tests! All these we did in our local clinic. Then we just had to send the results to our program coordinator by mail. So there was no extra waste of money. The first attendance lasted 2 days. During this visit we had medical examination.

    Also we were provided with information about the program, organizational and medical parts and terms of the contract. Our second visit lasted for 6 days. We had sperm pick-up, fertilization of donor’s eggs and embryo transfer. You can set your worries about war aside! We were in Kiev in 2015 last time. We were nervous too! We didn't know what picture we’ll see after we leave our plane. Especially after watching some videos our panic was huge! But I assure you it’s one of the most peaceful and friendly cities in the world. It's absolutely safe in Kiev. The hostilities take place in east part of Ukraine. So you have nothing to concern about. The only thing you should think about is de ivf.
  11. alisha707

    alisha707 New Member

    Thank you so much for your help! I don't know what would've I done without all this info. It's the first time I talked about my problems. I appreciate you support. I have some doubts, but still I'm inspired now. These details will help us to choose clinic. I'll contact this Ukrainian clinic. We'll see what they will tell us. I'm very grateful for your support and advices!
  12. wilemmson

    wilemmson Member

    Hello alisha707!
    So sorry you've been through this and with no result..really sorry. but i think you're fighter and your wish to keep everything inside you is another proof. not everyone can go 5 ivf rounds and not even using DE. I see you want to have a baby absolutely yours genetically, but sometimes like in your case it's very hard or even impossible, I'm sorry. I didn't try IVF, it's not allowed in my condition that's why I went straight to surrogacy. as far as I know after this number of failed ivf's this road is open for you. If you're interested in any information, let me know. I have one child from a surrogate mother and now waiting for my clinic to math another SM, I want to have 2 children, it's my cherished dream... Wish you all the best!
  13. mannamay

    mannamay Member

    oh hun so sorry you failed...i can understand you a little, i have 2 failed cycles and it was really hard to me, i was losing hope and I didn't believe, when i first found out my hcg level, that it was positive... My first attempt was on my OE and as I was 46 my eggs were..um..not good enough, not saying about embryos. Next two shots were with DE and you know..the only thing I regret is my first decision to use my eggs...I can't realize how you did this, I mean 5 attempts (!!!) on your eggs...that's a bit weird to me...I definitely recommend you to try DE. Good luck!
  14. almaek

    almaek Member

    Hi, Alisha, feel sorry for you. I really understand your feelings. My problem was similar. We wasted so much time, we wanted to have a baby and our desire was so strong so we decided to try surro. I kow that's not exactly what you want to try but I just wanted to say if you have a chance don't lose it. Who knows what will happen tomorrow. BTW, how are feeling right now. Did you change your mind and decided to try De?
  15. feifei

    feifei New Member

    Dear I'm so sorry about your situation. Childless life was not for us. My dh and I wanted to have kids so much! I was born without a uterus. There is no chance for me to get pregnant and feel my baby pushing into my stomach. We decided to try surrogacy. It was our only option and we used it. At the same time it was really hard to find good agency or clinic. There are so many scammers, who want to become rich, using poor people like us. There are even women, who pretend they want to be surrogates and then they get money and disappear. Unfortunately our family faced such woman. Three years ago my dh and I decided to find sm by ourselves. We thought the procedure will be cheaper in this way. We met with her and discussed everything. She seemed so kind and lovely person. After our first payment she was gone. She didn't answer our phone calls or mails. It was so hard to get back to search of another place to go. I was seeing deception and dirty tricks everywhere.

    After our experience we decided not to contact agencies and especially search sm by ourselves. We were looking for reliable clinic with professional doctors and high rate of successful treatments. We decided to concentrate mostly on Europe. As India was closed, we were choosing between Russia and Ukraine. Ultimately we chose Ukrainian clinic BioTexCom. Reviews were mostly positive and this clinic has high success rates. Though we had some doubts about their medicine, we decided to go there and check everything. Our concerns faded away when we talk to our doctor and program coordinator. We saw fashionable design of the clinic and modern equipment. And the most important we saw so many couples there! People all over the world came to this clinic for surrogacy and de ivf programs. We have no regrets! We are so lucky we went straight to this clinic. Our daughter Kristine was born in May 2017. We are happy parents now and we have no regrets!
    1mommyTZ likes this.
  16. 1mommyTZ

    1mommyTZ New Member

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! I'm sorry you faced infertility. I'm happy to know you've become a mother and your life changed for the best. In the fullness of time such stories helped me to accept whole infertility situation and move on. I think we should share our stories to help and support those women who are at the very beginning of their journeys. Some of them are scared to make another steps or just don't know what to do next. All of us are in the same boat so we should help each other to fight with circumstances.
  17. xeniamo

    xeniamo Member

    I would recommend considering IVF with PGS NGS, that works well in case of failed cycles. Good luck
  18. cindyleyva

    cindyleyva Member

    Don’t think of anything else just contact priest eka and purchase some of his herbal medication and your depression will go away. This was my state of mind when my doctor told me that i will not be able to concieve due to the Fibroid that was rolling in my family life and when i decide to reach out to the priest, and the priest told me what to do in other to get the medication. Eventually I receive all the Herbal medications that cure my Fibroid and give me the chance to become a proud mother: Eka is a great spiritualist, He did it for me, you can contact Eka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com). If you are suffering from the following gynecology disease::

    1. Fibroid, Asthma, All STD, sinus infection, unexplain miscarriage

    2.High Blood Pressure (herbs to reduce your BP within 7days)

    3. Infection, regular body pains (yeast infection),urine tract infection.

    4. Blockage from the fallopian Tube, Hepatitis

    5. Cyst from the ovaries, PCOS

    6. Unpleasant smell from the virginal, virginal itching

    7. Irregular menstruation

    8. Weakness of the penis (not able to have sex with your partner or inability to satisfy your partner sexually)

    9. Watering sperm (low sperm count) not able to get woman pregnant.

    10. Infertility for easy Conception.......

    11. Skin diseases, Toilet infection and bad body odor…….Etc..

    Simply contact the spiritualist DrEka on (dreka14demons@gmail.com) to get his Herbal Medication to cure your disease and put yourself on a motherhood side of life..
  19. Gwineth

    Gwineth Member

    Honey! You are not at fault here by any means! Stop blaming yourself, there are plenty of women who cannot get pregnant, if you had 5 failed ivf rounds it does not mean that this is the end for you and your family, you should understand that there are a lot more to infertility treatment than you can even imagine, are you sure that you have tried it all? I think that there is nothing wrong with turning to egg donation, I myself had egg donation ivf and now I am expecting a child. Sorry to bring this up, but I feel like this might encourage you to take the advice of your doctor seriously.

    This is so bad, to hear such things from your husband’s mother, seems like she is really insensitive and is really selfish. I am surprised though that she does not understand your struggles at all.

    I really hope that it won’t last and that you find a lot of support here on the website.

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