Hello girls! I’m new here. This forum and your stories inspire me to move forward. My dh and I have been ttc for a very long time. Unfortunately all our tries give no result. We’ve gone through lots of treatments. We had 5 failed cycles of ivf. The last one we had last year. After last failure I was broken. I understand that all blame is on me. Condition of my health doesn’t allow us to conceive naturally. Even ivf didn’t help! Last couple of months were so stressful. I blame myself and all these feelings tear me up from inside. I can talk to no one about my emotions and thoughts. I’m of that kind who keeps everything inside. That’s why I decided to come here and talk with you, girls. I think no one will understand me better then you. I’m 38 yo and I don’t want to waste more time. Recently my dh and I went for a walk. We wanted to spend some time together, talk and try to forget about all troubles. We live with his parents and it’s actually hard to do that at home. His mother only makes everything worse. She openly blames me that she still doesn’t have grandchildren. And she’s right! But it would be much easier to survive my failure if she was supportive. Sorry I wandered off the point. So we went on ‘a date’. We went to some family cafe. There were families with kids, who were playing around and laughing. And I looked at my husband… He looked at those kids with such sadness and sorrow. I know how much he wants to have children. I also dream to become a mother. Every night I imagine how it would be if everything was ok with me and we had normal family! But I really have no idea how to fix my problem… I talked with my doctor last week. He recommended to make ivf with donor egg. He told that usual ivf unlikely to give results. I think that I should use this opportunity! But where should I start? What should I look for? Girls, please help!