Infertility: the inability to become pregnant naturally. Something you never imagined happening to you, but here you are, faced with this inability. You don’t want it to affect your marriage, but it is so personal and so emotional that it tugs at your relationship with your spouse. How can you keep infertility from ruining your marriage?
First, remember the spouse you married and the reasons you married in the first place. Of course you dreamed of having children with him/her and didn’t plan for infertility to come in between the two of you, but it has and it affects both of you. Remember your partner is just as invested in this process as you are, and their emotions matter too. Don’t forget we all “mourn” and process things differently. Also, try to remember that it is neither spouse’s fault. He may have a lower sperm count, and you may have a tilted uterus, but do not, under any circumstance, put blame on each other. You are in this marriage together. You need to support each other. You both need to feel reassured by the other that it is not your fault.
Don’t forget to keep on living. Want to take a trip to Las Vegas? Do it. Want to go camping in the woods? Do it. Don’t let so much of your focus be on becoming a family that you forget to live the life you are currently living. Yes, you want to have children, but it is okay to have other dreams too. Try to focus some of your attention on those things too.
Have sex, just for the sake of having sex. Don’t let it become so much of a chore to become pregnant that you forget that sex is fun! It may be how you become pregnant, but it is also an intimate time with your spouse to show them how much you love them. Have fun with it, and forget about trying to make a baby out of it.
Use this difficult time to connect with one another. Use it as a time to talk about your emotions and feelings. Let it be a time to grow together, not apart. It is a hard topic to talk about and an even harder topic to live out. But use this season in your life to strengthen your marriage.
And if you have to, seek professional help. There should not be a negative stigma about needing professional help when going through infertility. It is hard. It is hard for each person. It is hard on the marriage. It is hard on the family. And if help is needed, seek it out. Don’t be ashamed of needed the extra help, it could save your marriage.