IVF after loss of baby

Discussion in 'Trying to Conceive After a Loss' started by shelleysand, Sep 13, 2012.

  1. shelleysand

    shelleysand New Member

    Hi,
    I lost a baby last year in June....it was not a miscarriage, I think the term neonatal death is more accurate, because the heart simply stopped beating. They found no chromosomal abnormalities with the baby, but did find the baby had been exposed to a virus. Ever since then, my subsequent attempts (2) at IVF have failed. I am doing IVF with donor egg. We just have 3 frozen embryos left at this point, and they are average quality (not good, just average according to the embryologist. So I am not getting my hopes up about this working. I would like to ask my church to pray for these embryos but all I am hearing from people so far is "why don't you just adopt?" I am not seeing support right now and plan to attend a RESOLVE meeting. Has anyone else been able to find a support group somewhere? The internet is great but I need people I can talk to face to face, sometimes.
  2. Shelleysand - I'm sorry for you loss! I have only done one IVF since our daughter passed away almost three years ago. The reason originally was because after we lost her we no longer had insurance that would pay for IVF. Then, while we were trying to save money towards doing an IVF my husband lost his job (at the time I had quit mine because of the grief and not being ready to be back working.) So now we do have health insurance that will pay for IVF, but it's been deteremined that we need to use Donor Sperm and of course the insurance does not pay for that, and hubby's going on 2 years of unemployment. Anyhow, you probably didn't need all that back ground, but the only IVF I did after was with negative results. I hear from people all the time "Why don't you adopt?" and I want to SCREAM! I point out that with hubby not working we can't afford to adopt at this time, and that has helped a little. While I was in the hospital waiting to give birth (it took a long time for me to deliver my daughter's body) someone actually asked my husband, "Why don't you guys adopt?" I thought really we are grieving our daughter and we haven't even given birth to her yet and you are asking us that?!?!??! Anyhow, I have seen a therapist one on one off and on since she passed away. I went to therapy during the IVF (but I didn't feel I needed it during that time, more for after if I got preggers because I'm sure I will be a basket case the whole pregnancy) I also went to a local loss group that meets once a month. This group is designed to talk about the loss of your baby, but there is another group that has started from this group and they are a group of ladies trying for another after loss. I have yet to meet with them because they meet on a day that I work, and because these ladies aren't infertile so they don't quite get all of it, but I have thought about taking the night off to join the group sometime. I was really wanting to talk with these ladies after the getting pregnant part simply because most of them don't get the IVF part. Anyhow, I know I'm rambling and I hope something I rambled about helped. Therapy is good if you can find the right one for you.
  3. shelleysand

    shelleysand New Member

    I am sorry that someone made adoption comments to you after losing your child. That was totally inappropriate. I remember when my husband and I were in the general waiting room at the hospital when I had the first miscarriage, this nosy older lady sitting next to us asked 'What are you here for?" I thought it was none of her business, but my husband answered her and told her we were losing our baby. She just stared at us and didn't even say "I'm sorry" or anything like that. Then she kept asking more nosy questions, asking my husband what country he is from (because he has a foreign accent). Just really a nosy old broad. I reflect back on that often, and wish I had put her in her place.

    I was thinking about joining a group for people who have experienced pregnancy loss/stillbirth, but like you said - not all of them experience infertility on top of that....so there are probably aspects of my situation that they would not understand.

    My husband's job is precarious and I worry myself sick that he will lose his job, and we can't do anymore IVF. I may go back to work soon, if I can get something. The economy has me really scared right now.

    We also are considering using a sperm donor for the next fresh cycle, in addition to an egg donor. Or we may consider a donor embryo at some point.
  4. aofan2011

    aofan2011 New Member

    I lost my daughter this May and I do have friends who also made the adoption comments to me. I simply told them that it is either I keep trying or no kids. My husband is not ready for adoption yet (Although I am considering it). I am at the point that I can tell my story (with tears in my eye) but there is nothing we can do to bring her/him back. I can only accept the fact and move forward. Yes, the insurance and the cost are show stoppers. I am considering to have an IVF cycle done oversea for 1/3 or even 1/4 of the price they charge in US. My hubby does not like the idea but it could be an option if we save up enough money for it.

    Good luck :grouphug:

  5. Proudmomtoty

    Proudmomtoty New Member

    IVF and babyloss

    Hi Shelly,
    This is my first IVF, well FET since my babies were born and my daughter died. She had the same kind of thing, she was in the NICU and the doctor's think she got some kind of infection and that is why I went into early labor. It is very hard now doing IVF when I lost a child and have been pretty much keeping the info to my self. I had a group of women who I meet with monthly for a face2face group, through faces of loss, face of hope, and also a walk to remember. I have told all of my women and thankfully they are so supportive and understand the need for me to have another baby and to carry another baby. I started the face2face group in my area for moms that have lost a baby. Maybe look into something like that, faces of loss, faces of hope has a link to all the face to face groups created in different areas of the world. Just to have people to talk to about all the frustrations of IVF, trying to get pregnant again and what people say. I know our local hospital has a group of women that meet weekly for getting pregnant after losing a baby as well.

    Good luck to you with your future IVF...If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to message me and we can always chat!!

    Sheryl
  6. shelleysand

    shelleysand New Member

    Thanks, I have not heard of face2face but will see if there is one in my area.
  7. ankit

    ankit New Member

    Last edited: Nov 10, 2017

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