There are plenty of ways to help your friend after she’s had a miscarriage. Here are 5 wonderful ways to be there.
Of course I feel I can write this after the fact that I personally have had my own miscarriage and have had several friends whom also have had miscarriages. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be a good friend if you yourself have never experienced the pain of losing a baby. A miscarriage, no matter at what stage of the pregnancy, is very much a loss to the expecting parents. Treat it like you would with any other loss. Make sure they know it is okay to feel the pain of losing a child. If you are one to send a note, send a note. If you are one to cook a meal, cook a meal. Here are the top five ways that helped me get through the difficulty of losing a baby.
1. Send flowers. Nothing fancy. Nothing over the top. But something to let them know you are thinking about them, and they are on your mind. When it happened to me, my boss at the time sent a very simple arrangement and a very kind note. It made all of the difference. It wasn’t expected, but it was much appreciated.
2. Send an encouraging card or note. Not a text message. Not an e-mail. An actual handwritten, thoughtful, caring note. It shows you took the time out of your busy day to make it show that you care about them. If you think about it send more than one. Send one when you first find out about it. Send another one when they will least expect it. It is always good to know you have people out there thinking about you. Keep the note short and simple.
3. Make them a meal. If you can, make it something that is freezable. If they are anything like me, they may not want to eat right away, but it is also nice to have something that can be cooked later or at the very least cooked when they don’t feel like cooking. Again, because if they are anything like me, they won’t want to be cooking either. If they have other children at home, it may be nice to have a meal ready for the kids to eat too.
4. Get them out of the house. If they are willing, take them to a movie, go shopping, go for a walk, do something to take their mind off of their situation. My sweet aunt took me to the movies the day we found out we had lost our baby. Not only did we go to one movie but we went to two, one right after another. It was a great distraction. I may have had bloodshot eyes during the both movies, but I didn’t have to talk to anyone and no one saw me. It was a win/win! Again, if they have children at home, maybe offer to babysit so they can get out of the house.
5. Simply be there. Sometimes no words are necessary, but the presence of a good friend will change everything. Also, be careful of your words. We aren’t looking for advice at this point in time. We aren’t looking for sympathy. We aren’t looking for someone to tell us it will be okay, because at that moment to us, it is not okay. It may be best to just listen. Hold our hand. Give us a hug (if we are huggers!). Simply just sit with us, and listen if we talk, or just sit if we don’t feel like talking.