I have never been one to really care what others thought of me or even really cared if I “fit in.” I don’t usually take things personally and can turn the other cheek if someone says something about my hair or my shoes. I usually am pretty confident in myself. I feel I work hard and have a positive attitude on most things.
Then I faced infertility.
Infertility left me feeling alone, scared, frustrated, and down right worthless at times. It had been said to me before, “I don’t know how you got through that.” Well some days I didn’t know either. It was draining. It was hard. It was exhausting. It was consuming. It was painful, physically and emotionally. It was depressing.
I wasn’t a little girl dreaming about the day I would find out I wouldn’t be able to have children the natural way. That just isn’t a dream any person has or wants. No one expects to be in that position. No one dreams of the endless doctor appointments. No one dreams about having to give yourself injections. No one dreams about artificial insemination. No one dreams about having to go through IVF. But there I was living in a dream I wanted no part of but had no control over either.
It sucked the life right out of me at times. It consumed all of my attention and energy. It even took some of my joy away for a period of time. It challenged my marriage in ways I didn’t even think were possible. It hurt my husband, which in turn hurt me. It secluded me in a “members only” group I didn’t want to be a part of. At times I felt broke, a broken self-esteem and a broke bank account.
It doesn’t have to be that way. There just is a magical balancing act you have to find. There is a balance between what you thought your life was going to be like and what it actually has turned out to be. There may be a period of self-reflection. There may be a time when you need to seek professional help. And all of that is okay. Don’t let it consume you and become how you are defined. You are much bigger than that. You are more important than that. Your marriage is more important than that. We can get our joy back. We can get our dreams back. We can get our energy back. We can live “normal” again. We just have to use the same amount of energy spent on facing infertility with fighting infertility.